How to Just Say "No"

If you suspect you could get a little closer to your authentic self, I suggest you start with a mental cleanse: one day of total inner honesty. I don't mean that you should rear up on your hind legs in a meeting and shout, "I hate this freaking job!" Or openly gag when your sister serves her special tuna spaghetti. You cleanse by telling yourself the truth-but make it the whole truth. Is your "I'm sorry" a true apology or a little white lie to smooth things over? Are you really hungry for the malted milk balls you're eating? Do you honestly want to have dinner with that particular friend? You don't have to reveal the answers to anyone else until you're ready. The path to integrity turns inward before it leads outward.

Lying messes with our mental and physical health, obscures our happiness. When we lie to fit in, to succeed, to get approval, we gain the world-a tiny piece of it, anyway-and in the process lose our souls. Believing our own fibs ("Oh, I'm fine!" "Of course I don't mind!" "Sure, I'd love to!"), we gradually lose access to the deep truths that allow us to fulfill our destiny.

If this speaks to your soul, grab a timer, a pen, and some paper. Next, set a timer to go off at a moment when you can put aside what you're doing, whether it's in 30 minutes or a couple of hours. Then, in your notebook, write: "Am I living my deepest truth right now?" When your alarm sounds, it's time for an honesty check-in. Open your journal, reread the question, and take a breath. Let the answer rise up. Whatever you were doing when the alarm went off, wherever you were, whoever you were with-do those choices feel perfectly honest? If you're not quite sure, don't worry. Just asking and waiting will gradually reveal you to yourself. The truth isn't something you think up; it's something that arises by itself from deep within. You'll eventually feel how the quick, anxious responses from the mind differ from the peaceful knowing that wells up from your center.

At your first few honesty check-ins, you may notice nothing at all. Or you may feel only a twitch of nerves, a wisp of sadness. Ask yourself, What could this sensation be trying to tell me? If no answer arises, that's okay. Just write "I don't know," set the timer again, and repeat. Your truth is like a wild animal; if it's been attacked or suppressed, it may take some time to show itself. Be gentle. With time and repetition, you'll eventually connect.

When a new truth comes up, it may be a simple yes or no, or a flood of realizations: Maybe you don't want to say no to your mother for fear of losing her love. Or you hate business trips or you're dying to be outdoors, not cooped up inside. Write down everything without judgment. If you're smack-dab in pure authenticity, write about the joy. If you've been lying write about the misery and anger.

An honesty day is cleansing. With each check-in, you'll come closer to your real, moment- to-moment truth. As the Good Book says, that alone is enough to set you free. Over time, when you become more aware of the ways you deceive yourself, you may begin making subtle (or not so subtle) behavioral shifts. You may choose authenticity more often. Obligations may become unbearable. Unwanted relationships will wither; better ones will blossom.

You're about to change your life. The more honest you are, the more you'll find yourself doing what you love, with people you love, in places you love. You'll realize that nothing really true is ever unloving, and nothing unloving is ever really true. That wild creature, your true self, will come to meet you, then trust you, then guide you home, one day at a time. Honestly.

Client Testimonials

Michele is professional but at the same time down to earth and easy to talk to. I feel comfortable with her and she's made it easy for me to be open about my issues. She asks good questions that get to the heart of the matter. She's gentle and kind but will still hold you accountable. She's knowledgeable in matters of addiction and recovery which is intrinsic to her coaching. Things are better after working with her. Michele will help you make positive changes in your life and recovery. - Rena

Six months ago, I thought I'd give Recovery Life Coach a try and am shocked at the progress I've made in such a short amount of time. For years I treaded water in areas of my life that I wanted to change, but didn't know how. I tried on my own, but went back to old habits. Michele helped me take action to change the things I can. As a result? I've achieved more financial stability, job security, and manage my day-to-day activities with less stress and more productivity. I'm accountable for the first time in years. Michele is the ultimate coach: empathic, energizing, motivating and seems to know how to say the right at the right time. I couldn't have made all the progress without her coaching. - Annie

Michele has been an enormous help to me. Life coaching is the "missing piece" for many of us in recovery who are looking to take action on fulfilling our best life. As someone who has been in recovery for many years, I find that I need extra assistance, beyond therapy and sponsorship, towards achieving personal and professional goals. The individualized attention and targeted exercises that life coaching provide helps the sober person move past mental blocks and emotional traps that kept us from taking risks. Specific assignments require the type of accountability that enable me to move past character defects (or defenses) that prevent me from reaching my goals. What strikes me most about Michele is she listens without judgement--something those of us in recovery need in order to feel safe when facing change. Her calm and kind demeanor make speaking with her a pleasure .I highly recommend working with Michele for those who are in recovery. - Victoria